Today it has been two years since I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.

This morning, both my feet were the same happy and healthy color, size, and temperature. Occasionally the left foot feels hot and itchy. I ignore the heat and itch, and they go away pretty quickly. There’s not much that I would call pain anymore.

This trick often works for me with other pain too. Like: I feel my lower back start to get fussy, and I roll my eyes and get on with my day. Pretty soon I’ve forgotten all about it.

I want to say something about how I tried to ignore the pain in my belly this winter, how I believed I was only feeling it because I was boiling mad at someone I used to consider a friend, but it didn’t go away because it was actually appendicitis. My appendix ruptured, and I ended up in the hospital for four days. I had two surgeries in four months. I’m just about recovered from the second one.

I want to say something wise about pain and fear, or about finding balance, or about learning to trust oneself. But I’m fresh out of wisdom.

The only thing that’s coming to mind is something my mentor once said to me: “I feel like this is a place where we can sit and say, ‘Well. That happened.'”

If you’ve just had a laparoscopic procedure, ask your nurse for simethicone. They will probably have to get approval from a doctor, but the doctor will usually say yes. Most of the pain you’ll be having will be because of excessive gas in your abdomen, and simethicone will help much more with that than opioids. It’ll be a lot safer too.

I’m sure most people are at least vaguely aware, as I was before today, that “home from the hospital” does not necessarily mean “well.” I am acutely aware of it this morning.

Here’s how it currently is with me: Although my temperature is now within what is considered normal limits, it’s still slightly elevated for me. I have night sweats. I’m still coughing quite a bit as my throat continues to recover from being intubated for the surgery. I move slowly, and I don’t have much stamina. I’m a little dizzy. My belly still hurts sometimes, and it has a surgical drain hanging from it.

That said, every day so far has been a slight improvement. I’m moving more easily than I did yesterday, and the coughing jags are briefer and less violent. There’s less pain.

And of course, it is a great pleasure to be home: to sleep without being woken up for blood draws and temperature checks, to eat when I feel like it, to get my own pills, to spend time with Dave and Chili, to hear the rain on our roof.